Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
