I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize