I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
