My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
someone owes me an orgasm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
