the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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