Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
