I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
