As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
