i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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