Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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