If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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