I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
