forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
