If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
