no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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