I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
