The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am spending my child support on dildos
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
