Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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