Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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