hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize