And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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