Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
