btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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