Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
