I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
