Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she peed on how many people?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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