im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
