if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize