Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
