I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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