____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this just has baby written all over it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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