just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
