Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
