Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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