we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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