I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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