dude i'm inner monologue high
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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