I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
