Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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