Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
