By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
