I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
