he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
