she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
