She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
