I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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