Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
