i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
