Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
