barbara walters just said penis...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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