I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
