Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
