my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
