So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
did you just send me my own nude
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
