how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm having to shit out rocks
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