Me too!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize
