Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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