nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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