And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
