NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
