the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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