very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
