OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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