Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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