I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize