I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
