I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's great music for shaving your balls
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
